A Lesson From The ATM…! — Giggles & Tales

Your transaction is being processed. Please wait! A Lesson From the ATM Yesterday I was at the ATM to get some cash because I dearly needed money. As I started to transact, the ATM showed me an inscription which said; Please insert your card. I did.

via A Lesson From The ATM…! — Giggles & Tales

I had to repost this because its such an amazing analogy. It puts things into perspective and helps you to see that whatever you have been praying for, asked God for, and in the process of working towards, Its on the way!!!

 

Go follow her blog, thank me later. 

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More Than Sex

Image result for spiritual side of sex

I grew up hanging around a lot of my male cousins. I believe, because of this, I have some insight to the inner workings of the male brain.Image result for stop stop im gonna pee meme Don’t laugh, its true.

Mind you, it hasn’t stopped me from making wrong decisions about who to “just” date (it was a phase) or who to give my heart to but I did learn some things nevertheless. I have been told that my laid back demeanor is likened to a man.  My mom is pretty chill, my dad is super chill, and my grandparents, both sets, were extremely chill so its safe to say I got it honest. I don’t do it intentionally, but I’m not about the drama nor am I going to chase you so. (shrug)  My laid back demeanor has been  misinterpreted as “I don’t care” more often than I care to recall, but it couldn’t be further from the truth, in most cases.  In any event, I am reminded of these things during a conversation I had with some male co-works today.

The subject of dating came up. I was told that the first thing on a man’s mind, at any given moment, is sex. That is, when it comes to females. ( I’m still wondering if this is true or not, if so inclined, please feel free to expound on this in the comments) Ok, ok, whether or not the person is attractive comes first but sex is on that thought’s heels.  I was also told that no man is going to wait to have sex with a woman he is dating. I’m taking this all in but not saying anything. I get that from a worldly stand point, men want to “test drive the car” first before deciding if ownership is necessary. And believe it or not,  some women too. But, let me use another analogy; if you are trying on every pair of shoes in the store before finding a pair that is just right, won’t you stand the risk of getting a foot fungus ( in case the person who tried the shoe on before you didn’t wear a sock ( protection) or just plain old, burn out? And then the next month, when  a whole new line of shoes come out will you want to see if any of those meet your fancy or will you be satisfied with the pair you decided was the perfect fit?

I have standards, not saying people who choose to sleep around don’t.  I’m just not interested in seeing if I’m compatible with you in bed before I know if you can get a prayer through to God. Do you have a relationship with God?; are you financially stable?; how is your relationship with your mother?; and if you have kids, how is your relationship with their mother? what do you do when you get angry?; do you loose your temper, often? I get trying to satisfy an itch in the moment, (trust me) I totally understand. However, how satisfying will it really be to have your desires override your spirit for temporary satisfaction. Your flesh can and will only lead you astray. I speak from experience.  I would rather find a shoes that I absolutely love, heel height, color, quality, shape ( of toe-square, round,  or pointy), that has enough support to sustain me when I’ve had a long day, than one that will just be good enough to get me to my car from the house.

This may be the difference between you and them. Sex isn’t just a physical thing, its a spiritual experience as well. The more you partake in this with someone (or someones) the more of what they carry inside of them because apart of you. I can attest to this. It is an unfortunate consequence that I have no desire to ever experience again.  Not to get to graphic but the man is literally depositing himself into you. And if you have no idea of what feeds his spirit, or drives him daily you could be allowing  detrimental deposits to shape your very being, from the inside out. Not trying to get all deep and spooky but this is, well, kinda deep and spooky. Not everyone should have access to you like that. Preserve whats left for the one who will find you.

And about that. I made a post on Facebook and Instagram not too long ago about being okay with being single and I honestly feel this way (right now). If God decided that He wanted to keep me to Himself for the rest of my life, I would be fine with it because I know He knows better than I do whats best for me ( said the divorced mom of two) Image result for side eye

I’d need to join a convent though, and I’m not sure how they feel about accepting divorced non-virgin, non catholic women, but I’d give it a shot. lol

Until Next Time,

Tel

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2018

Don’t Settle

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In dating, you come across a lot of unsavory and savory individuals. Some of the savory ones, can loose their shine, for lack of a a better phrase.  Not because they become less attractive as time progresses, but because the more they talk the more you find out that you have no business entertaining such a person on a romantic level.

Image result for a lot of people become unattractive when you find out how they think

Let me clarify.  Girl meets boy; girl thinks boy is cute; boy thinks girl is cute; girl gives boy her number without the boy even asking for it. A lot of you all may be thinking, ” whats wrong with that? There is nothing wrong with an aggressive woman.” Well let me finish. Boy isn’t consistent with keeping in contact with girl. Girl initiated all communication and hints to a date being in the works, or hopes that one would be out loud to boy. Boy finally asks girl on a date and in the awkward conversation, outside the physical attraction, there is no spark. The more time they spend together the more they like each other. But its only superficial. The communication is lacking, the don’t believe in the same things in terms of faith, boy is very clever with responding to deep and spooky questions by answering them but not answering them at the same time. (Ya’ll know how ya’ll do)  But because boy is attractive, girl continues to let him waste her time.

There is nothing wrong with an aggressive woman. PERIODT! But, I am an old fashion woman. I like it when a man opens a door ( or all the doors) for me. I like my chair pulled out. Men like to hunt, and I’m keenly aware that the good ones don’t stick around when you make things to easy for them. They appreciate working for something, or so I’ve been told, actually witnessed myself.  The first thing wrong about the girl and boy situation mentioned above is the girl is doing all the work and the man is letting her. Now, don’t get me wrong, if this works for you, cool, but I have found it to not work for me, and I mean at all. If I am the aggressor, It seems the object of my affection either wants to play games, or isn’t interested to the degree in which I would like. My daddy has told me time and time again, “Don’t be chasing no man!” I don’t know why it took me being well over 20 to get it. But, I got it.   It has finally stuck!  The bible says “He that findth a wife, not she that’s looking for a husband (Proverbs 18:22)

I’ve met and gained some dope friends from dating, some men I didn’t have to date to get to know who are genuine friends. I didn’t start out with “just friends” in mind when dating but in the end it was perfection on the friendship level. It is through them that I’m able to get a males perspective on certain things I experience in this dating phase. My dad can only tell me so much, and because I’m his daughter, he filters some things. My males friends ( the few that I have) don’t filter things with me. If I ask them something I better be ready for the answer and nine times out of ten I am.   All bad dates aren’t complete and total loses. The ones who have become friends have taught me a lot I appreciate them greatly. Most important lesson here: DON’T SETTLE 

Only you know what attributes and characteristics you have asked God to give you in a mate. No he wont be perfect but he will be perfect for you. If you know off rip that you are siting across from someone and you don’t see a future there, why would you continue to let him , correction, allow your time to be wasted. Because you are lonely?   (insert blank stare) So You would rather be with someone who who makes you feel like you are alone as opposed to being alone and working on yourself and waiting for the one that God will send you? ( insert another blank stare). If the only thing you have in common is the physical, you are selling yourself short. You are more than just a beautiful face and nice body. And so is he. If he choose to keep things superficial , then he isn’t ready and he isn’t the one, and that’s ok.   You have more to offer than just looks. Personally, ya girl can cook and I’m pretty funny If I do say so myself. I can also get a prayer or two through to God on your behalf. Not that I’m advertising here, cause I would never, I’m just saying. (shrug)  Again, if that’s all you are looking for , please don’t mind me, but as for me… I’m looking for substance, nothing superficial. Nothing is worth settling for.. not doing it no more and neither should you.

I’m going to leave you with this thought:

Image result for don't let your boyfriend block you from finding your husband

 

correction: Don’t let your boyfriend block your husband from finding you.

 

Until next time,

Tel

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2018

 

 

Getting My Feet Wet

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I thought this was funny and seemingly appropriate.

Dating after 30 is something that is hard to describe (hence the above pic) Dating after divorce can be tricky if you haven’t healed yet. There is a wound that only you can feel.  Remember, its a death and the grieving  process can be as long or as short as needed. It not just about the healing though. When you’ve been with someone for so long you get in a routine and have habits that coincide with behaviors that help that relationship.  After the relationship has ended you have to unlearn some things and patterns as they may not work with the next relationship.  There is a learning and unlearning process that needs to take place.

I didn’t pay attention to myself, not initially after my divorce, I just wanted to not feel… anything. So I dove into the dating pool, not looking for anything just wanted a distraction from it all. Distraction was an understatement. I was not prepared for what came next.

I had no idea that dating in 2016 was such a complicated ordeal. What happened to:

Image result for do you like me yes or no

I know it seems a bit childish but its more straight to the point than hiding behind a computer presenting a false person for someone to like and in the event of a face to face, the real you is exposed and you have no words or pretty pictures to hide behind. I am who I am in front of and behind the computer. My level of comfort-ability with you is determined by the depth of which you have made me feel at ease prior to a meet and greet. Also my God has given me discernment and I use it in situations such as dating and even communicating with certain people.  And yes, I have been on a few dating apps, again with no expectations, but boy was I shocked when it came to the few men I had the pleasure or displeasure (depends on how you look at it) of meeting.

Business man: he was eager, wanted to call me everyday ( never give out your real number, google to the rescue) felt I didn’t devote enough time to him and so I blessed him with a be well and goodbye.

The play boys: There were few men who swiped left ( I think that the right way) and once communication started, they either thought it was cute to send me pics of their junk ( use your imagination) or because I wasn’t going to drive three hours in the middle of the night to meet them in their state I  was all kinds of names except my government.

The Felon: This one was difficult. I didn’t know he was a felon when we started talking. And we had very good conversations. Because I have access to people in law enforcement I asked them to do a background check for me and low and behold, he had a record. I didn’t hold that against him, (everyone has a past that they would rather not have read out loud) but I didn’t think there would have been a future there. Not because he had a pass, but because he was recently released prior to our encounter and hadn’t had time to adjust  to his life in his new settings. He was a really cool dude who I still talk to from time to time, but not a romantic link for me. Did I mention he was cute. So so cute, but I digress.

By  this time I had decided to cancel my subscription to the dating apps because nothing good had come of it.  I was healed and no longer wanted to waste time or have my time wasted. I had met enough fools and friends ( yup I’m still friends with a few of them) , I still wasn’t looking but I was open.  As I was shutting down my profile I had been communicating with someone who seemed decent enough to agree to meet.

The Minister: This was another tricky one. Communication was good with this one.  He went to church, believe in God, prayer and was decent looking.  Nothing to raise an eyebrow about. I was comfortable enough with him to agree to met. We made plans to meet at a restaurant. He gave me the address and as I was en route, I found myself sitting outside of his house.  ( Strike 1) I did not go in and we took one car to the restaurant, his.  (rolling eyes)  During dinner he ended up talking about his ex-wife a lot ( Strike 2) . He was a Christian rapper, nothing wrong with that, and wanted me to hear his music, even gifted me several cds to take back home with me.( thanks so much)  Once we got back to his house, he asked me if I  wanted to come inside for a night cap; coffee or wine. I politely declined. He then said I could stay the night if I didn’t feel like driving back home. It was 10p.m. ( Strike 3) “I’m good luv, enjoy” was what I should have said, but I simply said I was good to drive, gave him a church hug and went on about my way.

If I was feeling him in any type of way I might have stayed and had coffee before leaving. I never felt as if I was in any danger. But I  was done done once he played his cd for the third time on the way back to his house. There was no vibe, we didn’t, as far as I was concerned, click. I am firm believer in the value of time. I don’t like mine wasted, and I don’t want to waste others. I can admit I indulged in conversation with men who probably were looking for the one when I wasn’t. But I’m no longer in that frame of mind. My stance on interactions and conversations with the opposite sex has shifted. I am dating with a purpose these days and not looking to waste time, money, or energy.

There were a lot of things wrong with my initial approach to dating. I would ask if they all went to church or were praying men and whatever their response would be, I wouldn’t pause or press for specificity or clarity in terms of their relationships with God.   I desire my future husband to have a prayer life and a relationship with God that will be  evident in the way he lives, treats other, and carries himself.  I’m not picky about everything but this is one thing I’m not budging from. “Can You Pray FOR ME?” Is a very important question and will need to be addressed before a romantic, significant relationship is established. Call me crazy but I don’t think that is asking for too much. After all, I keep him covered and I don’t know anything about him at this point. At least I don’t think I do.

I have some questions for you: What are some good first date questions? Lets backup a little, what are some good get to know you questions? I have this game called mentally stimulate me that is a good ice breaker but if you could add to that that be great. I’d be happy to pass this information along to my fellow singles who are dating with a purpose.

Until Next Time.

Tel

Copyright © TransparentlyFavored 2018

26 Questions

I was asked my fellow blogger https://bottomlesscoffee007.com to answer the following 26 questions about me. Check her out, her answers are much more interesting, entertaining and amusing than mine.

  1. Who are you named after?

A character in a movie called” If  A Man Answers” Its an old school movie and the spelling is different. Hers was Chantal.

2. Do you like your handwriting?

No

3.What’s your favorite lunchmeat?

Don’t each meat: Tuna works

4. Longest relationship?

My ex-husband- we were together ( including dating) for 8 years until the divorce was final.

5. Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes

6. Would you bungee jump?

Nope

7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Nope

8. Favorite ice cream?

Butter Pecan

9. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Smile ( teeth), nails, and shoes.

10. Football or baseball?

Football- i prefer in person but watching it with my mom is so entertaining. She yells at the tv like shes the coach. lol

11.What color pants are you wearing?

Light blue jeans

12. Last thing you ate?

Fish Tacos and a sweet potato

13. If you are a crayon, what color are you?

Hmmmmm.. peach or red. I have a thing for rose gold and army green as well.. that’s a tough one.

14. Favorite smell?

Clean linen and mac and cheese right out of the oven. Not just any old mac and cheese either, I’m talking about the kind you make from scratch. No boxed foolishness over here. How and peach cobbler; also my moms shrimp and grits.

15. Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My sister

16. Hair color?

Black

17. Eye Color?

Brown

18. Favorite food to eat?

Seafood ( crablegs and lobster)

19. Scary movie or happy ending?

Comedy

20. Last movie you watched?

The Equalizers 2

21. Favorite holiday?

Christmas

22. Beer or wine?

Wine

23.Favorite day of the week?

Saturday

24. Three Favorite Bloggers you want to learn about?

http://www.mytippedscales.com

https://simpledimplesite.blog

https://riversworld.live/

25. The additional info you didn’t know you wanted?

Favorite candy:  Twizzlers, peanut m&ms, and the while chocolate reese cups. Oh and I wanted to wear braces so back when I was younger that I would put aluminum foil on my teeth. 🤷🏽‍♀️

26. When’s the last time you got on the scale?

April

Bonus Question-Who’s your favorite superhero?

Hmm.. I’d have to say Black Panther.

Not New To This

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Albeit funny, some women live this more often than not. It has to be crack sis, it has to. No one should settle on the place in which they rest their heart. (oh that was good)

Now that you know a little about me and my journey from being married, to divorced, to now… ( dun dun dun) dating ( big ole disrespectful hard swallow), I just want to affirm that I am not a dating pro. I don’t do it for sport but for purpose. I’ve spent a lot of my single life ( before marriage) wishing I was married. And now that I’m divorced, I’m not rushing anything.  I have to admit though, I don’t like being single, and not for the reasons you may think. What I’m about to say may seem sexist to some but, I assure you I am far from it. I have never been a fan of taking the trash out.  I hate when I have to go get my car serviced and I’m being up-charged or sold on things I don’t need or want.  I do all these things because I have to, if I don’t then who? My son isn’t old enough to take the trash out in the manor and form to my liking. I started him on opening doors for women. But trust and believe, he will be taking out the trash and so much more in due time.

When I started dating, I had no idea what to expect. Did men still hold doors open, buy flowers, and pay for dates initiated by them? I have been spoiled in terms of the men in my life. My daddy always held( holds) the door open, gives complements ( every now and then)  and bought me flowers a time or two.  My grandfather bought flowers for his wife, and my uncles would buy their significant others gifts for no reason. So what I’ve learned to expect from a man all stems from them. The women in my family spoiled their men as well. And even if they didn’t, I’m the type of woman who doesn’t mind paying for dates, buying gifts for my man, giving complements just because ( men like to be told they fine too ladies) or making him feel appreciated with a cooked meal.  To my surprise, some men actually do do the aforementioned gestures but some had stipulations attached to them. Image result for shocked meme I’m sorry sir, but this is the first date and I’m not that type of woman. You legit don’t know my last name and your conversation needs to consist of more than “WYD” (what you doing) on any given day. Image result for rolling eyes

I have to be honest, transparent if you will.  After divorce there is still  healing that needs to be completed. I can honestly say I started dating before the healing had been absolute, which set me back, but I’m good now. I wasn’t always dating with a purpose, I was dating to forget, to numb the pain that I didn’t want to deal with. This section of this journey I will discuss the wows I’ve discovered in dating, after the healing. It hasn’t been all bad but I’m single at the moment so its clearly not going as well as I would like. Again, I’m not rushing the process, I know the one God has and is preparing for me is going to blow my mind and while I wait I’m praying that God continues to prepare me for him. But in the meantime, while I wait, I have some stories for you.

Until Next Time,

Tel

Copyright © TransparentlyFavored 2018

Death Without A Burial

death

Divorce is like a death, the only difference is, in an actual death, there is a burial.  In divorce, you have to still see the person walking around and relive the experiences of that loss over and over .. that is until you are healed. This thought originated from a sermon I heard from Pastor Michael Todd and it is the perfect description of the feelings that are attached to the divorce process.

Its been 2 years since the birth of our son. and  we were still separated. He ( my husband at the time) would come and visit. He never missed a birthday for the kids. But the talks of him moving to where were had dwindled. Actually they changes courses. He wanted us to move back. I had no desire to go back to a place that held so much hurt and resentment for me. He didn’t understand that and I didn’t know how to make him.

I had started working ( 🙌🏾) a year after my son was born so I was ready to move out of my moms and into a place just for us, even if it was on the other side of town. There is nothing like having your own space. Don’t get me wrong, my mother helped me tremendously, (when I wasn’t able to help myself), my whole family did; But being able to walk into your own home, and just be, brings another since of sovereignty that is indescribable. It wasn’t my dream home, but it was mine for the time being, and that made me smile. The kids had their own rooms, although my son would find his way to either my room or his sister’s room in the middle of the night. ( 🙄)  He was 2 at the time, so I gave him a pass.( 🤷🏽‍♀️)   We were closer to church and church family and would visit my mom for over night visits often. The kids school was near my job at the time so to me everything was looking good.

During the time at out new home, the reality of the state of my relationship with my then husband came crashing in on me.  I no longer missed him. I had stopped asking when he was going to move her or come and get us a while ago. It was only a matter of time that what loomed over our heads would become our reality. It was in one of those quit nights that I was wrecked with the thought that, this was it, it was over. I still hadn’t acted on the thought because it was so permanent.  How was I going to explain this to my children? More importantly, how could I explain this to God?

My relationship with God had gotten stronger but I was not prepared to take the steps needed to let anyone, outside of my family and a few friends know what I was contemplating.  I did pray about it, and I felt peace come as soon as I said Amen. I still didn’t rush into it. I consulted with an attorney. He drafted the documents and submitted them to me for my review and I held on to them. Being a product of divorce made the decision that much more strenuous. ” What are you waiting for,you’ve been separated for three whole years!” “If he wanted you back, he would come and get you.”  These were my inner thoughts. I wanted an outward expression of his desire to continue to have me as his wife, not just fancy words.  Yes I was making a home in a different start without him but he had an open invitation to come join us. So when he didn’t, as crushing as I felt. I gave my attorney the go ahead and the petition was filed.

Contrary to what some may have thought or still may be thinking, I did love my (then) husband. I just wasn’t happy. A big part of that had nothing to do with him but everything to do with me. I went into out marriage with a broken heart. I never healed from previous hurts and it wasn’t fair to him or me. I just prayed that he understood that, one day.

The day came where I had to go to court, stand before a judge and affirm that there was no hope for a reconciliation. I thought I was good, that was until I got back to my car. I cried like a baby.  I was disappointed, I was hurt, and I was hurting for my kids. I was sad that it had come to this.  I believed he really did love me the best he know how to at the time. Our children were younger than I was when my parents divorced and they never really had memories where they could recall their father and I being together, living in the same home, being jovial and loving. I can’t bring back to my recollection my parents living together, but I know they were married cause I saw the picture. (lol)  And even when they separated my dad would come over during the holidays, not just to pick me up because it was his weekend, but to spend time with us. We couldn’t even give my babies that.

Make no mistake about it, divorce is a process and just like marriage, it has it up and down; for me there were more downs that ups.  There was a lot of blame aimed towards me and I accepted it, but I wasn’t going to be the brunt of the frustration that had been built up over the course of it all. I saw what the separation did to him and the divorce only added to it. I pray that he will forgive me one day, as me forgiving myself has started to take form. God forgiving me, well, that has already been established. (John1:9) .

There are tons of scriptures referencing adultery for the grounds for divorce but that was not the case here. There is no biblical justifying my divorce. And that is something I had to pray my way through. The bible talked about being unequally yoked  (2 Corinthians 6:14) but there is no expounding conversation that give details on this. I don’t believe my ex-husband’s faith had anything to do with the break down of the marriage. I believe it started when I agreed to be his wife while nursing my wounds from the past.  My ex-husband and I recently began to talk as friends and I believe, no I know, that is all because of God.

If you take away anything from my journey to divorce I pray that it is the understanding that in all thing, we must pray. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to carry the weight of it alone. If you don’t have anyone close to you whom you feel comfortable enough to talk to you can always talk to me. We are no longer strangers. ( refer to my introduction 😊) We cannot rely on our feelings alone to get us through life altering agreements and decisions. Marriage is a beautiful thing when done right. I have had the pleasure to witness several unions that I’m sure have seen their fair share of  disagreements and adversity but those couples are still standing and thriving. I pray that when the day comes for God to release my husband to find me ( yes I said release), that I am ready and healed and whole and prepared. If you are looking , waiting,  I pray the same for you. I pray that your love story is yours alone and that with each step you take towards falling in love and finding the love of your life, you allow God to order your steps.

My journey to divorce is over but my journey through singleness, (😱)  is just a key stroke away.

Until Next Time,

Tel

Copyright © TransparentlyFavored 2018