Purposeful Pain

There is something therapeutic about the assembly of friends

On the rare occasion that I go out with my girls, a good time is always had. But more importantly we get to shed ourselves of who the world thinks we should be and just….be. The vulnerability and care that is exhibited is refreshing and always appreciated. It was during my most recent outing that I had yet another eye opening moment.

As far back as I can remember, dating started at 16 for me, I always had a boyfriend or a “boy friend”. In my last post I stated how I never was the type who really liked the idea of being single. But, as of late, I have come to appreciate the many gifts that come along with it. Being a single mom has its challenges as you can imagine. But when I can get moments to myself , I take them. Be it for travel, spa day, just sleeping in or some extra time in His presence. I have learned to not take these moments for granted. And the lack of a man inside my home doesn’t mean I lack for the presence of a man period. ( read it again) My kids father is around, my dad is as well. I also have some amazing males cousins that have no problem stepping up and helping if needed.

(Real relationships take real work, real sacrifice, and real compromise. Alone time is far and between. (Not having to answer to anyone as to why I bought this or went there is amazing. ))

I have already resolved that whatever God has for me it’s for me, in His timing. But as the epiphany evolved I was also reminded no matter what age it comes to pass, God will remain faith and fulfill His promises to me. The women in my family, on both sides, have all had to have hysterectomies before the age of 40. *A hysterectomy is an operation to remove a woman’s uterus. A woman may have a hysterectomy for different reasons, including: Uterine fibroid that cause pain, bleeding, or other problems. Uterine prolapse, which is a sliding of the uterus from its normal position into the vaginal canal.* I haven’t needed to undergo this procedure. Why? Because I’m supposed to have more babies. Knowing what you know about me, you should know that those babies will more than likely come after/ attached to a husband. This confirms God’s promise for and to me. I have stopped dwelling on the when and started to focus on the Who.

With all this information being downloaded into me, I was reminded of something very powerful. The purposeful pain all the women before me, they had to endure it for me to be at this very point in my life. ( my God). They went through it so I didn’t have to. ( That’s a word) There is something to be said about generation curse. This one, stopped with me! ( My God) Purpose is also being revealed! Business plans are being written and grace continues to be distributed. With all the good, some growing pains have popped up and continue to try to take root. And I’m certain they will continue to spring up like weeds as I continue to move towards goals and live on purpose. I’m blessed to have some strong people in my life who have and will continued to keep me covered ( prayer) as I forge ahead with this new found identity and truth. I welcome the pains of transformation because that means something new, someone new, someone I am looking forward to being, is being birthed through this process.

There is a purpose for the pain we endure. Self inflicted or otherwise, there is a lesson in it all. We have to be able to find the lesson or we will repeat the pain. No one likes the sting of a heartbreak, a lost one, or the consequence of a bad decision to linger. The scars remind you what you’ve been through, your faith shows you its not the end. Trusting God through it all may seem like painful purpose but it will be worth it in the end. Its is a blessing to have people that will hold you accountable. I definitely don’t take it for granted those that have held me up through some of the most difficult times in my life.( I’m not crying you are- I love ya’ll) ) I pray you have such people in your life and are okay with open correction when it is done in love. Growing pains are purposeful and I pray you don’t stop pushing as your labor intensifies. That is the very moment your breakthrough, your gifts, and your prayers are to be delivered.

With the truth comes revelations about yourself and your expectations. I have learned that in some of my past and current relationships, romantic and otherwise, I have placed some expectations, standards if you will, on people that I haven’t always adhered to. It took a friend calling me out for me to take a look at myself and acknowledge this. I try to show up for people, even when they don’t show up for me. But if my expectations of them aren’t things that I’m already doing, then how can I be upset when they don’t respond to inquiries or concern? It is  most definitely hypocrisy at its finest.

The bible says you must first show yourself friendly.( Proverbs 18:24). I’ve boasted about the longevity of my friendships.( cause my FRIENDS ARE DOPE!) Most of my good good girl friends have been in my life well over 10 years. I contributed the length of our relationships based on honesty, and being able to correct each other ( in love) when we are wrong. You have to remain humble and understand that being in relationship is better than being right, especially when you are wrong.

Having the ability to be corrected and not take offense is necessary for growth. As we age, you should expect your understanding to evolve and the shadow of uncomfortably to continue to chase you down. Being pushed out of your comfort zone is where life beings. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it and welcome the shedding of old habits and beliefs. Those characteristic traits that were offensive, insensitive, self centered; those ideologies that kept you stagnant must be left behind in order to make room for the metamorphosis that is trying to take place in you. A better you is on the other side of fear and complacency. A better me is emerging as vulnerability has surfaced. ( Oh God)

I’m no longer afraid to live out loud ( but in a soft voice lol). I can handle the truth regardless of the manor and form it is given. I’m allowed to have moments of solitude and a hint of ratchetness if I wanna. As long as I don’t let the views of other kept me immobile, and allow their negative beliefs or temperance to threaten the veracity of God that is my foundation; I’ll be well on my way to more declarations of candor, laced with hope, covered in prayer. My truth is based on what God says about me, not man and as long as I repent to God and apologize for any offense given or received by others caused by something I said or did, keep His word hidden in my heart, keep striding, correct myself and not beat myself up ( too much) when I make a mistake ( because I a certain more will be made) , I believe I will be okay.

Until Next Time,

Tel

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2019

Overcomer

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; Revelations 12:11

You have no idea how many women fight battles they don’t talk about on a daily basis; How many women have to muster up the strength to just get out of bed each day. You don’t know what stories are hidden behind the smiles. You haven’t the slightest idea of the courage it takes for those same women to share their stories of brokenness and pain only for it to be misinterpreted as a way to get attention. Smh

This is what depression looks like.

Confession: This is probably one of the hardest post I’ve ever done. I’ve been trying to get this out for four days now and any and everything has distracted me. I believe it is because of the significance of the subject matter. My past and current sins, my lack of healing, my inducement to careless attachments and connections all boils down to this. I smile when I want to cry and I bury hurt that has been rooted. All while new scars, (scars I was never supposed to endure had I not gone the long way to get to this point in my life) are healing and forgiveness of self is extended.

This is something I have struggled with on and off since my divorce. #Depression I smile, I joke, I laugh, and I say everything is fine. I support, a applaud, I encourage, all while hurting. The more I covered it up the stronger the hold became. It’s never gotten to the point when I wanted to harm myself (even though the thought had crossed my mind a time or two). It did cause me to recoil and withdraw myself from group settings. I didn’t interact with people, family, even friends, often, if at all, because I thought they would see the wounds I was so desperately trying to conceal.

My depression had nothing to do with postpartum, but everything to do with me. Since high school, I had this idea of what my life would look like at a certain age. Never in a million years was divorce apart of my plan. Never did I ever think I would be a single mother. According to 16 year old me, I should be happily married, working on baby number 4 or 5, writing my third book, while managing my paralegal staffing firm right now. But clearly God had other plans for me.

I had an honest moment with myself not to long ago which also brought on this familiar temperament and I shuttered at the words I spoke. It was during a conversation with a friend that I said, “if I never marry again I will be fine.” I honestly had no idea the magnitude of those words until it kept playing over and over in my head. I was taken back to the 16 year old me and how disappointed she may be with me in my current disposition. But I also looked to my God; the one who will never leave me or forsake me; the one who knows my inner working and the desires of my heart; the one who loves me in spite of my short comings and sins. I know He would never put more on me than I could bear. I know He would give me the desires of my heart in His timing. But the honestly of that statement stung.

I see engagement announcement, baby showers, and people buying houses, starting business and I think, “well what about me?” Where did I go wrong and why am I not yet seeing the fruits of my labor? I’ve been in more failed relationships than can count. I’ve held on to people who had let me go only to repeat the cycle with the next person. (its like I was a magnet for unavailable people) All the while, I picture God, shaking His head, saying to Himself, “Daughter, just trust me.” I’ve been pressuring myself by my own time table and using the worlds standard of what success and happiness looks like as a margin for myself. Not even acknowledging God’s timing in it all. #BigMistake

Being a wife is something I still desire but if God never sees fit for me to marry then I’d have to be fine with it. A wife is just one title that I have yet to possess successfully in my almost ( big swallow) 40 years of life. I still have to finish my first book, get my other business off the ground, and so much more. I know I can’t rush God, nor do I want to. And all the while I’m praying for things to happen, preparation, true preparation hasn’t taken root in me, yet. To completely submit to HIS will and purpose for my life is my only goal right now. Even it if means cutting off people who I care about. If the connection is producing no fruit, I have to cut it off.

During the beginning stages of this, I talked to my pastor when I recognized what the darkened was early on. (I implore anyone to seek counseling, therapy or just talk to someone who sincerely cares, ask someone pray you through this.) He commended me for owning it, and helped me to get through it. ( prayer is my weapon of choice) You will have to go through it to get over it. You can’t ignore it, you can’t down play it. It’s time to face it head on and confront it once and for all. Take responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable. Talking about what keeps you confined loosens it’s grip on you. Whenever you expose something to the light it doesn’t seem as big or as scary as it was when it was covered in secrecy.

I believe I’ve said this in a previous post, but anytime you make plans, forged ahead with those plans, then you ask God to bless them, and they fail, you have no one to blame by yourself. That’s not how God works. We must pray and keep Him first, before what we want. We must make sure our desires line up with His will, or we will continue to set ourselves up for disappointment. We must remember that He already knows our beginnings and our endings and there is nothing that happened to us that isn’t happening for us. He makes a way of escape. Even if what we go through can be avoided, God is walking through the mess we made with us. I was listening to a sermon this morning where the pastor said, “God would rather protect you than heal you. He would rather keep you from it, than have you go through it.” Whatever your it is, you don’t have to carry “it” alone. And nine times out of ten you weren’t supposed to touch “it” at all. We make things more complicated than that have to be when we try to figure out life, love, and everything in between without God.

Depression by definition is: feelings of severe despondency and dejection. When we move outside of God’s will and attempt to seek happiness on our own, there are consequences to this. Being unhappy, feeling dejected or disquieted comes with being outside of the covering of God. You comparing your now to someone else’s can cause you to look at the very thing you prayed for, possess it, and still not be satisfied. (comparison is the thief of joy) If your current level of dissatisfaction with where you are has only you written all over it, it’s not to late to ask God to intervene and turn it around. The outcome may not be what you expect and less than you desire, but it will work out for your good. (I’m talking to myself right now)

I’ve been reflecting on this year and where I currently stand, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and financially. I’m disappointed that I’ve allowed what I consider to be a ‘lack of’ keep me standing in the same place. It kept me holding onto people and things that only weighed me down instead of lifting me up. People whose time in my life had already expired and the stench that lingered turned my stomach once I realized that I had been trying to maintain connections to dead things. I was literally going in circles with the same hang-ups, disappointments, and setbacks all while trying to motivate and encourage others to let go of what hurt them and embrace God and the healing he brings. But no more! IT END HERE! IT END TODAY!

I am no longer suffering in silence about it; the wrong turns, poor decisions, or lack of contentment I have experienced. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9) I am keenly aware that since I have exposed the deception the enemy tired bind me to indefinitely, he will try harder to distract and destroy, but I’m willing to risk it all to share more of my story. He will always throw who I was in my face but God knows who I am (🙌🏾) I am an overcomer, and I will no long be paralyzed by depression or any other stagnation that may try to permeate my existence.

My transparency isn’t for your entertainment but for your healing (and mine). We overcome by our testimony and I intend to share all moments good or bad in hopes that someone won’t feel alone or continue to isolate themselves from those who truly care. If any of this resonates with you, I pray you seeks help for whatever ails you. You have purpose and you are loved. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I have taken the necessary steps needed to heal. It is an ongoing process and will continue as long as I have breath. I will constantly have to remind myself of who’s I am and who I am as I know there will be some rough days ahead. But I trust Him, more now than ever.

Until Next Time,

Tel

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2019

You vs. You

Its amazing what some concealer and lashes can do for you. lol I felt like Cinderella in the first picture. All dressed up and somewhere to go. I don’t think I’ve worn this much make in over 10 years. I don’t wear make often partially because I don’t know how to apply it properly. (Without lashes I look like a little Asian boy. lol) but mostly because I don’t have time to do a complete face. Yes, I’m sure there are a number of you tube gurus ( most of which I already follow ) who can show me but with my full time job, kids, church, and everything in between, I don’t have the time.

It is with great humility that I say this: I don’t always say the right things, make the right choices or respond correctly when offended or hurt. As always I try to be as transparent as I possibly can. So here goes another revelation: I’m am a work in progress. But we all are. Being that I’m constantly growing, changing, and evolving,  I never have to worry about being judged by God for my shortcomings or set backs; my failures and wrong choices, He already knew about. If I carried myself in a way that makes it seems like I have it altogether, I apologize for that. I’m a student of life and I get knocked down more than I’d like to admit. I’m not sharing all of this for sympathy or attention. I’m sharing this because it’s real and not having everything figured out is more common than people like to admit. and guess what:

You have to learn to be okay with you; flaws and all you still have a purpose. Your testimony is building as should your faith. Figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. What works, do more of that. Your only competition should always be yourself. My goal is to be better than I was yesterday, everyday. With the beatings in life that I’ve succumb to, (people counted me out. I’ve even counted myself out a time or two) I’ve learn to take a minute or several to regain my composure and keep going. It wont get done unless i do it. My goals, accomplishments, they need me, my family needs me, but most of all I need me. I am my biggest cheerleader. I’m not only rooting for myself but you as well. Its okay to be vulnerable. Its not easy but letting your guard down and owning your mistakes will help you be better equipped at recovering from setbacks and disappointments. Take today’s lessons, the good and bad, apply them where needed and keep it pushing.

The picture on the left, she is alright, but my fav is the one on the left. I show up as her more often than not, I’m comfortable baring my truth as blemished and scared as it is. She is adorned in my sincerity and she keeps me humble.

Until Next Time,

Tel

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2019

Identify Yourself

I shared a meme on my social media pages that stated” God cannot bless who you pretend to be.”

With that being said, I have a confession to make: I am not the most sociable person, I identify as an extreme introvert and I HATE public speaking. ( 🥴) I have to force myself to look comfortable in public setting where my job is to be personable. Even in church, I don’t smile all the time, not because I’m not happy, but because the number of windows I have open in my head, I’m not really focused on smiling or keeping an approachable resting face.( I blame by dad- lol)

Far too many people present their representative upon initial meeting someone instead of who they are when they think no one is looking or paying attention. I try to be transparent at all times. Of course keeping my emotions in check and staying in control of my facial expresses ( this is honestly by far one of the hardest things for me. my face gives it all away and I promise I have been working on that for years) but what you see is what you get. Now, the level of trust I have with being vulnerable with you determines the volume in which you have experienced me.

For example, some people at church would never know how many times I’ve cried while watching the movie ” Notebook” or how many times I’ve blocked and unblocked and ex ( shhhhhh). What they get is surface me until I’m comfortable enough, feel safe enough, to show them the me my closest friends and family get to see on a regular.

I’m aware that I’m a full on experience and everyone is not able to handle me at 10 🤷🏽‍♀️.( I just wanna thank the sold people in my life for being able to accept me in all stages and phase of life- you all truly are the real mvps 🏆) which is why I don’t give the full 10 when meeting people or even interacting with people. I’ve always been an observer and labeled as quiet which is sometimes misinterpreted as stuck up. But I’m watching the way you interact with those you call friend and seeing if it’s safe to insert myself. Often times I have found that my guard is exactly where it needs to be ( up) and other times, it’s safe enough for it to slowly come down and a good time is had by all ( lol)

I decided after my divorce that I was not going To let that title define me. in would not identify as just a divorced mom. There is such a negative attachment to that word for some people and I wasn’t going to allow that negativity to touch me. I was going to be bold in my identity as a mother, a daughter, friend, sister, eventually wife (again) and whatever other title God blesses me with.

People are really good at hiding the worst part of themselves. Of course upon introduction, you don’t eagerly show people your scars. But as time progresses and comfort and trust sets in, its only a matter of time before you are ready to bare your soul in front of someone hoping to not be judged or for them to discover you aren’t who they thought you were in the beginning. You also risk the fact that your truth gives them the power to hurt you. Your vulnerability allows your interaction with them to cause you to start to feeling things, some good and sometimes bad but you feel something that you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t started to care. 😒

You baring your truth shouldn’t be so drastic that the illusion that they have become accustom to is so far fetched that the reality of you is a deterrent. Always be true to who you are at the core so as the layers begin to shed the person with whom you were vulnerable enough to reveal the hurt, the disappoint and the things that make you sad, still see you. It’s ok to trust people with your heart but make sure those people have identified themselves as honest and someone you can trust through experience but just words.

As you grown in relationships the authentic you should grow as well. Your true identity will not be able to hide behind fancy dialogue or promises. Eventually there will come a point in the relationship ( and not just a romantic one) where you will have to show up for someone. How you handle me when I’m hurt, angry, is just as important as our interaction and exchange when I’m happy and excited. Consistency is vital but authenticity is mandatory.

Don’t let how you feel in the moment become how you choose to identify in life. Your disposition, set backs, highs and low -shape who you are but your character is expressed through your choice of actions. Watch their actions not their words, it will show you things your heart need to see and your head needs to feel.

Until next time,

Tel

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2019

Redirect it

Let’s get this out of the way first..

Again…… I have no excuses. My kids went on vacation and I did as well. Mamma gotta have a life too right? I cant promise that the break will be the last one as we all know life happens and it sometimes calls for your undivided attention.

While I have your attention lets get back to it shall well..

I have had a ton of deaths over the course of the past four years. Most recently, another aunt has passed away from cancer

With this most recent loss, I found myself angry with God. Yes, angry with GOD. I have learned to own how I  feel and be honest about it instead of burying it and allowing the root of whatever it is to remain unaddressed or unresolved. Un-resolve hasn’t worked for me in the past and I  refuse to make it apart of my present and stunt my growth. My sister says I always need closure. In a way, that remains true, but I no longer seek it from the person. I find the resolve within myself.

With this onset of grief I found myself reflecting on the people that I’ve lost. Which made me sad and more angry. I have heard testimony regarding God healing people from the very disease that took the lives of my loved one. I know of people who’s minds were healed because of God’s grace. So why did these miracles, these healings, evade my family? It was a dark place. From the news of her passing to the funeral, it was all bad. My anger intensified when I went to church only to hear more testimony of God healing someone from one infirmity or  another. I knew I was insubordinate  when I wasn’t able or willing to lift my hands or didn’t want to be involved with the service in any capacity ( other than me working in my department- I’m apart of the AV department and my attention to detail is required) . I was able to mask it and do my job accordingly, but I knew I couldn’t allow what I was feeling to erase what and who I know God to be.

I reached out to my mom, who was also grieving this loss. I asked her to pray for me because I was angry with God.  As I texted her, the scripture, “Be angry but sin not…Ephesians 4:26” came to mind. I wasn’t self destructive but I know if I allowed the darkness to linger, it was only a matter of time before I acted out. My mom’s response was, “be angry with the devil, he is the enemy.”  After confirming she would pray for me, she called, as she often does,  and we talked for a while. She has some good things to say, all of which I already knew but  I wasn’t ready to let my anger subside. The sting of death was still so fresh and the pain of the loss was so prominent, all I could do was cry. It wasn’t until a few days after, while I was watching a sermon by Michael Todd entitled, “Maybe Faith” that the ice had started to melt around my heart. He said something I will never forget. He said “you asked for healing and a loved one died. You forget, they are healed, just on the other side (in heaven) .” That broke me down. Right were I stood, I had to give Him praise. My loves were no longer in pain and that’s the best miracle I could ask for for them.  My aunt was tired, as was my grandfather, grandmother, and other aunt. To be absent from the body, it be present with the Lord. I was also reminded of all the things God has already saved me from, including myself and I cried even harder.

I have since redirected my anger and placed it where it belongs. The enemy uses what we know about ourselves against us at times. If we give him an inch he will certainly take a mile. Even when you are hurt, especially when you are hurting, he can and will use your hurt to make you question all you know to be true.   I read a quote the other day, ” Consider how precious a soul must be, when both God and the devil are after it.” It reminds me of the war that was going on within myself during my grief. I know the word, I  know the right things to do, but while my heart was broken I didn’t want to hear how good God was or has been. I didn’t care to be reminded about where He brought me from. This on top of every other thing that I have to contend with on a daily basis, it’s enough to bring anyone to there knees. And that is where I ended up and found my peace.

 

Because of the amount of sadness, grief, and hurt I have endured, I am certain that the joy that is coming is going to make it all worth it. There will be “congratulations” that replace “I’m sorry for your loss.” There will  be smiles and tear of joy, instead of tears of mourning. I’m excited about whats to come and I thank God for not turning away from me when I questioned Him, in my anger.

Life can get the best of you sometimes to the point that you don’t know if you are coming or going, but in all the busyness we have to remember to redirect our frustration, anger,  and hurt into something that will heal and not hurt, build and not break, and comfort and not conceal. I’m still learning lessons daily, I pray I never get pompous and forget how to humble myself in prayer.

Until Next Time,

Tel

P.S. I just want to thank the 6 people ( lol)  who still follow me and have continue to support me. I promise not to disappear without good reason. My story is still being written, and I still have so much to share. Always remember to live through it and love on those who you hold dear. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone how you feel about them. Don’t let them leave this earth without knowing which out a shadow of doubt how much they mean to you. I promise it makes all the difference in knowing as opposed to guessing.

Still hoping and praying that my not some pleasant days, my struggles as well as my successes encourages someone.

This is just the beginning.. New chapters coming soon.

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2019

 

 

 

Tired

 

This June would make 4 years of me being divorced. I can honestly say that through the hurt and disappointment of it all I have grown. Unfortunately I  have not used the four years wisely in terms of my heart. To avoid the commitment I’ve allowed situation-ships to be my normal until either I was tired of the person and moved on or I got hurt and had no choice but to move on. Either way it was all bad. and now I’m just… TIRED!

I had a moment where I let my guard down and let someone in and it brought me right back to where I  started, alone. Nothing wrong with being alone, you get to know yourself and familiarize you with you and what you like and don’t like, what you will and wont, and shouldn’t accept. But it sucks to be in a relationship and still be lonely.   I thought I had healed and was ready and he was giving me everything I thought I needed and wanted at the time. ( do you know the enemy knows what we want as well and he is so slick that he will package it exactly the way that appease to you to through you off and district you ) Everything except for action. I fell for the words and the promises once before and I promised myself I would never do it again but ( le sigh)  I  found myself right where I promised I’d never be. ( insert song : Cycles by Johnathan Reynolds) This time I wanted the outcome to be different.  I communicated my thoughts and issued with the person which was followed by a promise to do better. But better never came.

I was left hurt and heartbroken. Not( solely)  because if his actions or lack there of, but because I didn’t pay attention to the red flags. So the disappointment was on my shoulders and my cross to bear.  In this instance, it was the lack of openness on his end, the lack of inclusion. I can’t speak for all women, but  I like to feel celebrated and appreciated by someone I’m with because after all that’s what I was giving. Not saying he never gave complements but Valentine’s day,  nothing, Mother’s Day, not a single acknowledgment. My birthday, we did absolutely nothing, not even a card. I’m big on cards and that was expressed early on and nada… I’m not one of those mothers’s who introduces everyone she dates to her kids and this is the prime example why.

There is a difference between being alone and lonely. Lonely by definition means sad because no one has friends or company. Alone means having no one else present, on one’s own.  Both by definition do not describe my current physical or mental state, but honestly  that last relationship had me feeling  both. I have learned to accept where I am and to continue to grown through the pain that life throws at me ( or the self inflicted injuries- healing in progress) . The scars are reminders that I went through something and I survived. I try my hardest to keep my feelings under lock and key because, well, my previous relationship is exhibit a, it never turns out the way I hoped or expected. I also keep my feelings at bay because I’ve been programmed to be prepared for the worst when it comes to relationships and when the worst happens, it don’t have far to fall because my expectations weren’t high to begin with.

I am no longer harboring  this type of thinking. It’s not even a good protective mechanism because at some point, a real one will show up and I wouldn’t know it because my guard would be so strong and so impenetrable that I wouldn’t be able to to see him. For now though, I’m good on all things relationship. I got some wounds that need to heal and I heal better in the solitude of my sanctuary which is the presence of God.

I was certain I  asked that the next and last boyfriend go through God to get to me, but I see I need to be more specific.  I pray that he also has his foundation built on the word of God and that God is found in him as well.  Not just on the surface but all up and through his life and is reflected by the way he talks and treats people.

I was asked what I was looking for and told that I was being to picky when it comes to dating. ( insert blank stare) My response is and will always be, “One can never be too picky when it comes to who you trust with your heart and intend to spend the rest of your life with.” No you don’t start talking  or dating someone with the wedding bells in the background. But to avoid wasting your time, you have to have some idea as to whether or not you at least enjoy this persons company and you build from there. But how do you determine this? By going on dates and communicating. The thing about telling people what you are looking for in a mate is those people tend to transform, and mask who they are with who you want them to be. I have no time for an imitation boo or superficial love,  I  want and deserve the real thing. I’ve told God and I trust Him with it all.

 

Until Next Time,

Tel

 

Copyright © Transparently Favored 2019

P.S. Sorry for my absence. I have no excuse except, life happens. ( insert shrug) . Can’t say it wont happen again but I’m back now so lets make the best of it. 

Look Deeper

 

Being raised by a single mother was an adventure in and of itself. Now that I am a single mother, I look at my mother in awe because the strength she had was necessary and played a vital role in my upbringing. I find myself telling her “I’m sorry” more often than not when I see glimpses of me and my rebellion and smart mouth in my kids( I know I know shocker I wasn’t the model daughter lol)

Not many women are intentionally single mothers, and to those who are:

My single parent journey was a hard choice. One that  I don’t regret but was completely unaware of exactly what was in store for me.  I thank God I have a strong support system and my kids father is still in the picture. There are times where I am overwhelmed ( can I be honest), need a break, and want to take the many hats that a single mother wears off. We are the doctor, chef, maid, chauffeur, tutor, coach, inspirational speaker, provider, and protector for our kids.  More often than not we put ourselves last without complaining because we know if we don’t do it, it won’t get done.  Being a mother period is a thankless job but being a single mom adds to that.

This post is dedicate to all the single mothers who are doing their very best to make sure their children have a life they don’t need to heal from when they are adults. I know first hand what you are going through on a day to day basis. And don’t have more than one job and try to have a social life on top of that…

You are stronger than you look, appreciated more than acknowledged, and needed more than you could ever fathom.  You don’t hear it often so let me be the first to say ( today)

Single mothers don’t get to take the cape off, we don’t have anyone we can tag in when we are tired, hurt, or not feeling our best. I’m blessed to have family I can call in worst case scenarios, but the majority of the magic that occurs behind the scenes is because God’s grace is covering me and keeps me going.

Sis, I see you and I honor you today and everyday. It is an exclusive club we belong to and I want to make sure you know you are seen and heard (at least by me).  Keep going and when you don’t feel like you can do another thing, handle the arguments between the kids, driving to one more practice, or balancing picking up your kid early with the risk of having to leave work early ( again) even after you have been told no but you do it because you don’t have anyone else you can depend on and are willing to deal with the ramifications of that later because your kid needs you, just dig deeper and you will find the strength you need to make things happened. Praying along the way helps me keep my sanity. And don’t worry, I got you covered as well.

Just Keep GOING!!!!

 

Until Next Time,

 

Tel

Oh and for the men who date single mothers:

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