Good Grief

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It’s the holiday season and we are approaching the birthdays of both my grandmother and grandfather who both passed away. This will be the second year without my grandmother and the third without my grandfather. It doesn’t get easier.

The holidays, for me just brings a different element of sadness to it. Because my family is small in numbers we’d always get together for Christmas. I remember, as a child, my grandparents would be at our house toys in tow and open arms for their only grandchild( on my mother’s side). Yes, I was spoiled (lol). My high school graduation, my grandfather barbecued some ribs and my grandmother was always imparting little nuggets of wisdom and sliding me money on the low. Its the memories I have that keep me from going under; the memories and the faith. ( God will never put more on your than you can bear)

I’ve lost a grandmother and a grandfather, but my mother lost both her parents. I cannot begin to comprehend the kind of strength it takes to keep pushing, to keep your head up and smile, while being so heavy from such significant losses. But she does it everyday, with grace. When she thinks I’m not looking or paying attention, I see her eyes get misty during a memory we both share regarding one of them. My mom is strong, no doubt about it. But ever so often I see a crack in her armor, and I wanna tell her its okay. You don’t have to be strong for me, let me take some of this off your shoulders and carry it while you rest. I’ll then give it to God ( who is our burden bearer) so we both are able to get a little relief.

I think it’s important to remember those who are grieving not just around the holidays but always because it is something that we cannot escape no matter how long it’s been since we have been without our loved one.

The thing about grief is you HAVE to LIVE through it. It’s the only way to heal. It’s not something you get over, but (sorry to be redundant)  You LIVE THROUGH IT! When I tell you it comes in waves, it’s not an understatement. I have been driving and I just start sobbing uncontrollably. A wash of sadness covers me and once the tears stop, it’s over. Not the grief but the moment. It’s best to have people around you that really know you just in case a wave comes that is so powerful it tries to take you under. Your person will be there holding on to you to keep you afloat. I’m may not be your person but if you ever wanna talk.

Until Next Time,

 

Tel

 

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Does it Really Suck?

So dating….

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This was my mentality after exposing myself to online dating and dating apps.  I am happy to say I am no longer in the space.( that’s all I’m willing to share on the matter at this time thank you very much lol)

A funny thing happens when you stop looking and start to grow, and better yourself. The right people tend to show up and the wrong people fall off.  When you are in the midst of yet another break up, another disappointment, another let down because you chose to use your eyes and not your heart; or, you used you heart and not your head; ( ahhhhh) you get to a point where you want to close yourself off from the opposite sex and throw in the towel. *( been there done that)

Situationships are a never, and friends with benefits are an absolute no no ( at least for me) and unfortunately that was the running theme in 2016-2018. I’m not built for that nor was I created to be an option. ( Yes, I think highly of myself so should you ~wink ). If you stop and think about where you currently are, not just relationship wise, but over all health, mental, physical and spiritual  you will find you still have room to grow. Take the focus off of what you don’t have and put them on the things you do. Yes, your house could be bigger, but you have shelter. Yes you could use a newer car, but at least you are able to put gas in your tank, and you absolutely don’t get paid your worth at your job but at least you have the means to put food on the table. And finally, yes, you are single, but at least you aren’t locked in relationship where you are not appreciate and still feel alone. There is always a bright side.

Being single isn’t that bad when you look at the alternative. Whats the alternative you    ask? Being in a relationship and still feeling like you are by yourself; not being appreciate or valued. Even if you aren’t waiting for your knight in shinning armor or your queen to cross your path, there is absolutely nothing wrong with appreciating the small steps you’ve made to better yourself, for you. Bring that credit score up, lose those ten pounds, go back to school, write the book. ( note to self) Whoever is supposed to show up, will show up but let them find you busy working on you or perfecting your craft. Not pining over what you lost in a fail relationship that you probably never should have been in in the first place.

With all that being said, and after I’ve had ample time to get to the point where I enjoy my own company. (I’ve dated me and I gotta say, I’m a pretty good date, lol)  There is a level of freedom with being comfortable in your own skin.  Being single has build my confidence to the level that I know what a treasure I am and what an asset I can be to the right person. I have standards and there is no reason for me to lower them to get what I want, not just in love relationships, but in life in general. Its okay to complement yourself. I do it from time to time. ( try it and see if you don’t have yourself smiling from ear to ear )

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With this new found confidence, my tolerance for the shenanigans has decreased substantially. My time is valuable and I refuse to let distractions throw me off course. I have no intentions of going back or repeating scenes and relationships that have proven to be unhealthy and detrimental to my growth.

So, dating doesn’t suck, at least it doesn’t have to. Use your past experiences to full you. The hurt, the pain, it was all necessary. You are better having those experiences so you’ll know what you like and don’t like. Just be aware of the those who seek to waste your time and who’s efforts don’t match yours. Remember your standards, trust your intuition ( your gut and or your discernment) and I believe you will be fine. It also helps to have a few great people in your corner to encourage you and push you when you don’t feel like moving another itch. ( A little stubborn perhaps lol) We all need a little outside help sometimes and God knows I’m extremely grateful for mine. Ya’ll are the real MVPs! (muah!!)

Until Next Time,

Tel

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Thankful

I don’t need a day to remind me to be grateful for the people in my life or the grace that has been extended to me and my loved ones. God is good, not just today but everyday!! And for that, I am grateful.

I’m no political theorist even though my degree is in political science. I don’t intend to ruffle feathers but I am aware that my humor is on the darker side sometimes. In any event, please enjoy these thankful quotes in honor of today.

Progression

This may be viewed as a rant but I  assure it isn’t.

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Oh just keep reading.. lol

People will always have an opinion about what you are doing and how you can do it better. Some people will give you their truth in hopes that you will bypass some of the mistakes they’ve made. For the most part I have found other peoples opinions to be valid, if not comical, when coming from a place of help and not a place of judgement. While I appreciate unsolicited advise and or opinions, I am cautious as to what I choose to retain and apply.  You have to look at the source and who that person is guided by.  Is it coming from a place of love or just judgment?  I say all of this to say, be careful who you vent to and who you share your ups with because sometime they are just laying and waiting for your downs to have something to rub in your face, run and tell, or just revel in the pain you suffer. Not everyone is for you and that’s okay.

Cherish those who are truly in your corner and respect and uplift you as opposed to those who are only hanging on to see how soon you will fail and waiver from what you know to be true. Go where you are appreciated and not tolerated.  The journey may just be for you but its okay to have someone cheering for you, praying for you, covering you,  while you push through. ( me, me, I can and will be that person 🙂)

I have some dope people in my life who believe the bible to be fiction and that’s cool. I’m not trying to make you believe one way or the other. What I want to do is to show you how my beliefs have shaped me and the outcome of the decision I’ve made, good or bad. I titled my blog transparently favored for a reason. The favor of God is sprinkled all throughout my life and I have no shame regarding the roads that I have taken which have lead me to where I currently am in life. My transparency allow you to see me, all of me that I wish to share to show you the goodness of His grace. You are free to take from it what you will.

I am not perfect by no means but my beliefs and my faith are the things have have kept me from losing my mind. If I am able to help just one person to keep going and not give up when things get hard and loneliness sets in, then I consider me exposing my wounds, flaws, and difficult times, a necessary progression.

Until Next Time,

Tel

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Double Ds

It’s not what you think… lol

But…Now that I have your attention…..

The middle pic, she was so very sad. This was the year my divorce was final, my aunt died, and my grandfather had a heart attack all within months of each other. Unbeknownst me this year and the next two years would be some of the hardest years of my life. I couldn’t let depression set in. All those events, for obvious reasons, took there toll on me.

#IAteMyFeelings It wasn’t until the end of 2015 that I decided to take my health seriously. I couldn’t let depression win. I wouldn’t let the pain of my failed marriage consume me. February 2016 my grandfather made his transition. My heart still aches from that. 😔But again I was determined not to let my grief consume me. I had lost the weight by June 2016 but I still had more work to do. Towards the end of 2016 I was facing sever hardships that I didn’t share with hardly anyone. I was at my lowest really. I started reading and spending more time with my Father #God. Just being in His presence made all the difference. Cut to June 2017, my grandmother passed and my heart was broken yet again. This one brought me to my knees. 😢She is the reason I pray so much because she was my example and my mom’s example. She was my voice of reason. I almost didn’t make it out of that one but #God. I say all this to say; What’s on the surface is just that. You can work on your appearance and you may even feel better while do so but if you neglect your heart and your soul you are doing yourself a disservice. When times get hard and everything around you seems to be, or actually is, falling apart, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Depression is very real and like divorce, it’s not discussed often if at all in the black community. I did seek help and Godly counsel which made all the difference in the world. ✝️You aren’t the only one and you definitely aren’t alone. I pray you have people around you who can see through the smile to your unspoken pain. Those are the ones you keep close. If you don’t, my door is always open. 🤗

I shared this on Facebook and Instagram. I thought it was important enough to post here as well. I’ve discussed divorce previously and I’m briefly touching on depression. That’s another topic that’s not discussed at length in the African American community. Depression is not discriminatory based on race, gender, religion, or age. There is no shame in asking for help. I believe removing the stigma can and will help so many who suffer in silence.

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A Lesson From The ATM…! — Giggles & Tales

Your transaction is being processed. Please wait! A Lesson From the ATM Yesterday I was at the ATM to get some cash because I dearly needed money. As I started to transact, the ATM showed me an inscription which said; Please insert your card. I did.

via A Lesson From The ATM…! — Giggles & Tales

I had to repost this because its such an amazing analogy. It puts things into perspective and helps you to see that whatever you have been praying for, asked God for, and in the process of working towards, Its on the way!!!

 

Go follow her blog, thank me later. 

More Than Sex

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I grew up hanging around a lot of my male cousins. I believe, because of this, I have some insight to the inner workings of the male brain.Image result for stop stop im gonna pee meme Don’t laugh, its true.

Mind you, it hasn’t stopped me from making wrong decisions about who to “just” date (it was a phase) or who to give my heart to but I did learn some things nevertheless. I have been told that my laid back demeanor is likened to a man.  My mom is pretty chill, my dad is super chill, and my grandparents, both sets, were extremely chill so its safe to say I got it honest. I don’t do it intentionally, but I’m not about the drama nor am I going to chase you so. (shrug)  My laid back demeanor has been  misinterpreted as “I don’t care” more often than I care to recall, but it couldn’t be further from the truth, in most cases.  In any event, I am reminded of these things during a conversation I had with some male co-works today.

The subject of dating came up. I was told that the first thing on a man’s mind, at any given moment, is sex. That is, when it comes to females. ( I’m still wondering if this is true or not, if so inclined, please feel free to expound on this in the comments) Ok, ok, whether or not the person is attractive comes first but sex is on that thought’s heels.  I was also told that no man is going to wait to have sex with a woman he is dating. I’m taking this all in but not saying anything. I get that from a worldly stand point, men want to “test drive the car” first before deciding if ownership is necessary. And believe it or not,  some women too. But, let me use another analogy; if you are trying on every pair of shoes in the store before finding a pair that is just right, won’t you stand the risk of getting a foot fungus ( in case the person who tried the shoe on before you didn’t wear a sock ( protection) or just plain old, burn out? And then the next month, when  a whole new line of shoes come out will you want to see if any of those meet your fancy or will you be satisfied with the pair you decided was the perfect fit?

I have standards, not saying people who choose to sleep around don’t.  I’m just not interested in seeing if I’m compatible with you in bed before I know if you can get a prayer through to God. Do you have a relationship with God?; are you financially stable?; how is your relationship with your mother?; and if you have kids, how is your relationship with their mother? what do you do when you get angry?; do you loose your temper, often? I get trying to satisfy an itch in the moment, (trust me) I totally understand. However, how satisfying will it really be to have your desires override your spirit for temporary satisfaction. Your flesh can and will only lead you astray. I speak from experience.  I would rather find a shoes that I absolutely love, heel height, color, quality, shape ( of toe-square, round,  or pointy), that has enough support to sustain me when I’ve had a long day, than one that will just be good enough to get me to my car from the house.

This may be the difference between you and them. Sex isn’t just a physical thing, its a spiritual experience as well. The more you partake in this with someone (or someones) the more of what they carry inside of them because apart of you. I can attest to this. It is an unfortunate consequence that I have no desire to ever experience again.  Not to get to graphic but the man is literally depositing himself into you. And if you have no idea of what feeds his spirit, or drives him daily you could be allowing  detrimental deposits to shape your very being, from the inside out. Not trying to get all deep and spooky but this is, well, kinda deep and spooky. Not everyone should have access to you like that. Preserve whats left for the one who will find you.

And about that. I made a post on Facebook and Instagram not too long ago about being okay with being single and I honestly feel this way (right now). If God decided that He wanted to keep me to Himself for the rest of my life, I would be fine with it because I know He knows better than I do whats best for me ( said the divorced mom of two) Image result for side eye

I’d need to join a convent though, and I’m not sure how they feel about accepting divorced non-virgin, non catholic women, but I’d give it a shot. lol

Until Next Time,

Tel

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