On the rare occasion that I go out with my girls, a good time is always had. But more importantly we get to shed ourselves of who the world thinks we should be and just….be. The vulnerability and care that is exhibited is refreshing and always appreciated. It was during my most recent outing that I had yet another eye opening moment.
As far back as I can remember, dating started at 16 for me, I always had a boyfriend or a “boy friend”. In my last post I stated how I never was the type who really liked the idea of being single. But, as of late, I have come to appreciate the many gifts that come along with it. Being a single mom has its challenges as you can imagine. But when I can get moments to myself , I take them. Be it for travel, spa day, just sleeping in or some extra time in His presence. I have learned to not take these moments for granted. And the lack of a man inside my home doesn’t mean I lack for the presence of a man period. ( read it again) My kids father is around, my dad is as well. I also have some amazing males cousins that have no problem stepping up and helping if needed.
(Real relationships take real work, real sacrifice, and real compromise. Alone time is far and between. (Not having to answer to anyone as to why I bought this or went there is amazing. ))
I have already resolved that whatever God has for me it’s for me, in His timing. But as the epiphany evolved I was also reminded no matter what age it comes to pass, God will remain faith and fulfill His promises to me. The women in my family, on both sides, have all had to have hysterectomies before the age of 40. *A hysterectomy is an operation to remove a woman’s uterus. A woman may have a hysterectomy for different reasons, including: Uterine fibroid that cause pain, bleeding, or other problems. Uterine prolapse, which is a sliding of the uterus from its normal position into the vaginal canal.* I haven’t needed to undergo this procedure. Why? Because I’m supposed to have more babies. Knowing what you know about me, you should know that those babies will more than likely come after/ attached to a husband. This confirms God’s promise for and to me. I have stopped dwelling on the when and started to focus on the Who.
With all this information being downloaded into me, I was reminded of something very powerful. The purposeful pain all the women before me, they had to endure it for me to be at this very point in my life. ( my God). They went through it so I didn’t have to. ( That’s a word) There is something to be said about generation curse. This one, stopped with me! ( My God) Purpose is also being revealed! Business plans are being written and grace continues to be distributed. With all the good, some growing pains have popped up and continue to try to take root. And I’m certain they will continue to spring up like weeds as I continue to move towards goals and live on purpose. I’m blessed to have some strong people in my life who have and will continued to keep me covered ( prayer) as I forge ahead with this new found identity and truth. I welcome the pains of transformation because that means something new, someone new, someone I am looking forward to being, is being birthed through this process.
There is a purpose for the pain we endure. Self inflicted or otherwise, there is a lesson in it all. We have to be able to find the lesson or we will repeat the pain. No one likes the sting of a heartbreak, a lost one, or the consequence of a bad decision to linger. The scars remind you what you’ve been through, your faith shows you its not the end. Trusting God through it all may seem like painful purpose but it will be worth it in the end. Its is a blessing to have people that will hold you accountable. I definitely don’t take it for granted those that have held me up through some of the most difficult times in my life.( I’m not crying you are- I love ya’ll) ) I pray you have such people in your life and are okay with open correction when it is done in love. Growing pains are purposeful and I pray you don’t stop pushing as your labor intensifies. That is the very moment your breakthrough, your gifts, and your prayers are to be delivered.
With the truth comes revelations about yourself and your expectations. I have learned that in some of my past and current relationships, romantic and otherwise, I have placed some expectations, standards if you will, on people that I haven’t always adhered to. It took a friend calling me out for me to take a look at myself and acknowledge this. I try to show up for people, even when they don’t show up for me. But if my expectations of them aren’t things that I’m already doing, then how can I be upset when they don’t respond to inquiries or concern? It is most definitely hypocrisy at its finest.
The bible says you must first show yourself friendly.( Proverbs 18:24). I’ve boasted about the longevity of my friendships.( cause my FRIENDS ARE DOPE!) Most of my good good girl friends have been in my life well over 10 years. I contributed the length of our relationships based on honesty, and being able to correct each other ( in love) when we are wrong. You have to remain humble and understand that being in relationship is better than being right, especially when you are wrong.
Having the ability to be corrected and not take offense is necessary for growth. As we age, you should expect your understanding to evolve and the shadow of uncomfortably to continue to chase you down. Being pushed out of your comfort zone is where life beings. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it and welcome the shedding of old habits and beliefs. Those characteristic traits that were offensive, insensitive, self centered; those ideologies that kept you stagnant must be left behind in order to make room for the metamorphosis that is trying to take place in you. A better you is on the other side of fear and complacency. A better me is emerging as vulnerability has surfaced. ( Oh God)
I’m no longer afraid to live out loud ( but in a soft voice lol). I can handle the truth regardless of the manor and form it is given. I’m allowed to have moments of solitude and a hint of ratchetness if I wanna. As long as I don’t let the views of other kept me immobile, and allow their negative beliefs or temperance to threaten the veracity of God that is my foundation; I’ll be well on my way to more declarations of candor, laced with hope, covered in prayer. My truth is based on what God says about me, not man and as long as I repent to God and apologize for any offense given or received by others caused by something I said or did, keep His word hidden in my heart, keep striding, correct myself and not beat myself up ( too much) when I make a mistake ( because I a certain more will be made) , I believe I will be okay.
Until Next Time,
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